Saturday, January 7, 2012

Why doesn't my church allow me to perform exorcisms at church?

There happens to be many member at my church who I know to be fornicators, s, drunkards,etc and I am quite aware of the grip that Satan has on them. I would even go so far as to say they are demon possessed. I have spoken to my pastor many times about these people and how I feel that they are in need of an exorcism and he will always feeds me the same old line of bs telling me that they just need to repent of their sins and only a priest is authorized to conduct an exorcism. I am sorry but I am a man of the lord and a man of action who will singlehandedly drive these demons out of these poor souls. I have watched the exorcist enough times to know what to do anyways. Well, this last Sunday I went to church with a crucifix in one pocket and a bottle of holy water in the other before I attempted my first exorcism. I had been sitting next to an elderly woman by the name of Jane who is a cancer patient that enjoys smoking marijuana which is clearly a terrible sin that will send her to the depths of hellfire. I know that the Devil has taken a hold of this woman and I was bound and determined to drive those demons out!! During our moment of silence I took my vile of holy water out of my pocket and doused her with it from head to toe before shoving my crucifix against her forhead while shouting "THE POWER OF THE LORD WILL REPEL YOU!!! THE POWER OF THE LORD WILL REPEL YOU!!!" I could not tell if she was having a heart attack or just a violent reaction from the holy water though I knew that this is what I had to do to drive the demons out. For some odd reason I was escorted from my church and told that I will be arrested if I ever dared to return. Folks, I need to find a new church where people are serious about driving out the demons which infest so many poor souls. Any suggestions?

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